The Eight “I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts” [from FSM]

    The following is an excerpt from the book The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson, the religious text of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (Pastafarianism), and very interesting new religion who believe the creator is a Flying Spaghetti Monster.  I am a new member of this religion and just finished reading the book today.  The following is our version of the Ten Commandments.  I know there are only eight, but that's because two were dropped on the way down the mountain.

The Eight “I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts”

1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really,     I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
    
2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
    
3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
    
4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go fuck yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
    
5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
    
6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
           1. Ending poverty
           2. Curing diseases
           3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
   I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
    
7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
    
8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

        Ramen

I believe these rules should apply to everyone, even if you aren't a Pastafarian. 

What I did this summer...

    Wow I haven't written in here since July 22.  Every time I say I'm going start writing in here I never do, haha.  Well I start school in the morning.  Its my senior year of college, wow I feel old, haha.  I haven't really done anything all summer.  I went to Warped Tour in July.  I was supposed to go see Blink-182, Weezer, taking Back Sunday and Chester French this past Saturday in Hartford, CT.  But didn't go.  I really wanted to got to show since late May.  Two weeks ago I just said fuck it (literally I was alone in my room and I actually said out loud, "Oh fuck it") and bid on and won two tickets to go to the show on eBay.  But I had no one to go with me and thus I started to freak out.  One of my old friends said he might, and then he didn't give me an answer.  I called him last Wednesday because I was starting to worry, three days before the show, and he said his grandmother was in the hospital and he couldn't go.  I freaked out.  I couldn't think of anyone else to go with me and if I wanted to see them on eBay I only had less than three days to sell and ship them.  Then at like 7:30 pm I said screw it and put them on eBay.  I was relived after 20 minutes one person messaged me saying they might want them and then another messaged me and said if I added a Buy-It-Now they would pay $75, including shipping.  I added a Buy-It-Now and sold them.  But I still really wish I could have gone.  I have been doing whatever I can think of to make money.  I sold I shit load of stuff on eBay this summer.  I listed 200 items and made more than $748.28.  That's a lot.  I started writing articles on the articles on eHow.com.  the site is full of How-To articles.  You write articles on the sites and they pay you for the views your article gets.  I wrote 14 articles on the site.  I written anymore though because the site pissed me off.  They were having problems and I sent them three messages over three weeks and the over responded to the second two, which annoyed me.  Then I started thinking about how I bet this site probably generates tens of thousands of dollars in ad revue every month.  They can more than afford to hire a few more people to work at the site and then it won't have issues.  And when they did answer my messages their answers were really crappy.  Since I started writing these articles, my 14 articles have a combined 1123 views and according to eHow I have made zero dollars off of my articles.  They are trying to tell me 1123 views equals zero dollars.  How?  I bet they made money off of ad revue of my 1123 views.  (You can read my eHow articles by clicking here).  I also had a yard sale in June to make money, or maybe it was May.  I sold stuff at the Flea market twice this summer.  I have been getting stuff and bringing to this thift store in Leominster called Cutiques, I bring stuff then and when my stuff sells they give me a check.  My mom also discovered this place in Holden where everything is free.  She got me a whole bunch of cross stitch patterns there and I sold them for between $2.5 and $20 each. 
    When upgraded to Digital Cable in mid-July and ever since I have been watching a lot of movies.  I literally have watched about 50 movies since May.  That a lot for me.  And most of them were really good.  (You can read reviews of all the movies on the Flixter application on Facebook).  I also became addicted to the show Weeds.  I bough the first two seasons at a yard sale for $2 each and I LOVED the show.  I watched the first two seasons in like three days.  I then had to go buy season three because the cliffhanger at the end of season drove me crazy.  Then I had to go buy season four.  With each season I liked the show more.  When I finished watching season four I started re-watching the DVDs.  Then when I finished watching season four I freaked because season five is on TV now and wouldn't go on sale until June of next year, I checked Amazon.  I really wish we got Showtime so I could watch the new season, but Showtime is an extra $10 a month and if I wait I can buy all of season five for like $20 next year.  Last week I was at my great-aunt's house and she gets Showtime and has On Demand so I was able to watch the first one and a half episodes of season five.  I also four books since the beginning of May.  That is a lot of books for me.  I usually read like maybe 2 books a year. You can see a list of all the movies I watched and books I read by clicking here.